I was just 16 and found myself pregnant. Well, that is a kind of euphemism. I knew why I was pregnant, it wasn’t just like it happened mysteriously, but what I mean is that the pregnancy was not planned. And so then I wondered what I would do next. I was so young, attending an all girls catholic high school, and in some real hot water.
My father wanted me to have an abortion, but I didn’t think that was possible since my baby was by now, so big… I was five months along before I was forced to tell him because of my increasing size The doctor told my dad that an abortion was not possible and that Judy (me) would just have to go ahead and have the baby. Although I would like to take credit for the sacrifices of bringing my baby to term and making the choice to give her a blessed life, I didn’t really choose this option. I didn’t make an informed choice. It just kind of happened. I do know that if there was any way I could have escaped the shame of the pregnancy and done something to make it go away, I may have taken this route.
But today and actually after the baby was born, I was so glad I was able to give the gift of life to my child. It was a beautiful miracle that I was able to witness and her perfect little life lifted me up. Certainly, I grieved for the loss of the baby and thought about her in the many days that followed. But in the end, I was thankful I had the privilege of carrying her to term.
There is no easy solution to an unwanted pregnancy. The best answer to this dilemma is don’t get pregnant! I think that in most cases unwanted pregnancy can be avoided with careful planning and the maturity to think ahead. My heart goes out to the dear women who feel that they had to have an abortion and I know they have their own unique pain and I have empathy and sadness for their sorrows. I could never tell someone what they should do in this horrific situation.
I love hearing stories of happy adoptions: those stories of the parents who longed for a child and finally are graced with a son or daughter to nurture and love. This is the other side of the sorrows of relinquishment. When you look at the whole picture and see the perfect balance you know that when there is sorrow there will be joy to follow. It is the yin and yang of life.
If you have a story along these lines, I would be honored if you could share it with me.
Read my whole story: Sunlight on My Shadow. Available at amazon.com
Hi Judy,
Thank you for sharing your story. I just finished reading Sunlight on My Shadow. For 2/3 of the book, I thought you might be my mother. The similarities are astounding. But, when you finally got your daughter’s name, Karen, I realized you aren’t mine, after all. My birth mother doesn’t want contact with me. I paid Catholic Charities to track her down, make contact, and tell her I was interested in meeting. She is not. That hurts more than the adoption ever did. I understand – I had a teen pregnancy myself – I wish she had an openness and attitude like you!
Thank you!
Mary
Hi Mary,
Thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry to hear of your birth mom’s reluctance to meet with you. Oh my. It saddens me deeply. We all have our journeys and please know that your birth mom comes from a place and time of deep hurt that prompts her to stay away. It doesn’t have anything to do with you. I know that this shame and grief we felt comes with a great fear. I would so love to talk to birth mom’s that do not want to reconnect. I want to know their story and why they choose this seemingly heartless path, because my heart breaks for the adopted children that are once again sent away. I don’t pretend to understand their motives but I do know that choice is sacred and if we could truly understand why, then we would know that refusing to reconnect is not because of a lack of love or maybe even desire to meet but perhaps because of a fear so great that it chooses for us. Bless you, dear Mary.